I've had a very strange and frustrating week: I'm overwhelmed at work, I'm frustrated with not running at all this week (due to injury), and I sent out fundraising emails to 30+ people this week and had no responses.
I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to remember that being stressed, injured, exhausted, overwhelmed happens to everyone. I'm trying to focus on the good things and trying to fix the bad things or things that are overwhelming. I'm trying to learn what I can control and what I can't control. I'm trying to remember that I have people in my life who love me and support me. I need to turn to them more when I have one of those days...
Now onto a few specifics of my weekend....
I ran for the first time in almost a week yesterday. It was on the treadmill. It was really slow, but I ran for 25 minutes and felt great!!!
I've been frustrated about not running all week. I've been questioning why I am doing this....why I am pushing myself so much and I've honestly lost my focus of my I applied in the first place. Two things have happened in less than 24 hours to remind me why I wanted to do this. I went to the Porter Square Book Store last night while I was waiting for Bre to meet me (great local bookstore-check it out). I wanted to check out the running books and picked up a book called "26 Miles to Boston" by Michael Connelly. I read the back cover and flipped open the book. The page I openned to was a picture of Jack Fultz, who is the DFMC marathon coach. Jack is the 1976 Boston Marathon winner. It is a picture of him at mile 20 being hosed down and determined to finish. For some reason, this really struck me. I'm not an elite runner. I'm not running to qualify and this may be my only marathon ever. But it reminded me that we all have our reasons to run. It was also a reminder of how much support I have to complete this task. I feel like I sometimes overwhelm Jack with emails about injuries, training, etc. He always emails me back with great suggestions and provides me with great support. Thanks Jack!!!
The other thing that happened was I had a dream last night about my Dad. In the dream, we were all at the hospital, and he was still alive. What I remember of the dream is taking to my mom about the fact that we had already had his funeral and we had already said good-bye. For some reason, even though we had buried him he was still alive. He still knew he was going to die. He still had his same sense of humor. He still joked about life and death. He was still himself. I needed to remember that I'm running in his memory. I needed to remember that I will never be done grieving and missing him. I needed to remember how much I love him and how I know he is still here with me. I needed to remember that I am doing this for him and my grandmother. I needed to remember that I am running the 112th Boston Marathon with the Dana-Farber Marathon Challenge Team so that I can help to find a cure for cancer.
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3 comments:
well, i started off reading this and already formulating some words to help encourage you to get your focus back but by the end of the post, it seems you've already found the best ones!
keep it up, marc...the frustration will pass, the injury will pass, even the marathon will pass...and with as much determination and spirit as you have, you'll have completed it and met your goal.
I found your blog all on my own! I feel accomplished :)
Your blog and what you are doing is beautiful Marcy...I am so incredibly proud of you and to know you. Reading this reminds me about what is important and the hassles of our everyday jobs and lives really are not that bad in the big picture.
You rock! I know you can do it!! :)
Marcy,
You're not alone going through ups and downs with your marathon training and at times questioning the sanity of your having signed up for this in the first place. Such questioning means your on a meaningful and valuable path - because your pushing personal boundaries and challenging yourself to go beyond the "comfort zone". But as Jimmy Cliff reminds us with his lyrics, "but the harder the battle you see, the sweeter the victory".
As for that photo you saw in the book on the Boston Marathon - the lady in the photo (she's behind the one hosing me down) is the author's grandmother. I tell runners that he wanted to put a photo of his grandmother in his book - and I just happened to be there when the photo was taken:-)
Only 11 weeks to go - and you have a trip to warm sunshine coming up. By the time you get back, you'll have nearly made the final turn in the training schedule and you'll be headed toward your taper, and then the real fun part - the marathon itself.
Next time you feel oppressed with the training, fund raising, the magnitude of it all, step back, take a deep breath, remember those for whom you're doing this and be determined to simply enjoy yourself. Let that be your goal on those days rather than your finishing time or some amount of funds raised. Those will all happen for the best if you're enjoying the journey.
Cheers - Jack
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