I think my body is falling apart and other joys of getting older

About a month ago, I developed a rash on my back and ankle. When I saw the doctor she told me it was just bug bites and that it would go away with an extra strength hydrogen cortisone cream. Fast forward to Monday...I go back to the doctor's office because the rash on my foot has not gone away; In fact it keeps getting worse. She immediately sends me to the dermatologist who chats my ear off for 30 minutes and the takes a biopsy sample. We are not just talking about a small scrape of the foot, we are talking about a chunk of my ankle the size a pea. In addition to the rash on my foot, I also now have a huge blister between my fourth toe and pinkie toe, and a rash on my shin, and strange bumps on my thighs and palms. No, I haven't been rolling around in the woods. I'm not sure what all this is from.

But clearly my body is trying to tell me something...

I believe that your body shows external signs of stress, sometimes before you even realize you are stressed. Your body reacts to stressful situations by doing odd things. Think about it, is there someone who just gets on your nerves or rubs you the wrong way? How does your body react when you see that person? Do you get a knot in your neck, in your stomach? Do you have a muscle twitch? Are you tongue tied? How does your body react when you are in both good stress and bad stress situations?

My body is clearly trying to tell me something, but I can not figure out what. Maybe I am playing too much soccer and I'm just having a reaction to my shin guards; maybe I'm not sleeping enough; Maybe I'm not eating the right foods; Maybe my body wants me to make some sort of life change. Maybe my body is finally saying enough of all the stress.

I'm not sure what it is....but I'm trying to figure it out. In the meantime, my toe hurts from the blisters, my ankle itches and hurts from the rash and biopsy, and the rash on my leg keeps growing larger. All in all, it's a pretty good day.

Oh, and did I mention I lost a toe nail?

My new found electronic love...

I have never understood the obsession with video games. I equate video games to overweight dorky boys (and men!!!) who have no social skills(I know I'm insulting some of my readers but bear with me). I've never understood the desire to sit in front of a television or a computer in the house and press buttons and blow things up. I'd rather be outside or anywhere else doing anything else...until now...

To say I like my Wii would be correct. To say that I am falling in love with my Wii Fit would be an understatement. The people at Nintendo got it right this time...totally marketing to people like me...active, fun, and hating to sit still.

We hooked up our New Wii Fit last night and I played for several hours. While some of the things are easy, I was informed that my balance is off and that I'm terrible at balance related activities. I even broke a sweat doing some of the strength training.

I hate to admit it but I am starting to enjoy video games. I am hoping that the Wii Fit helps me to exercise at home a bit more and gives me some other activities to do when I am short on time. I can not wait to get home tonight and do more strength and yoga poses. I can not wait to beat my high score on the slalom. And finally, I am hoping that it helps me lose the 5 lbs. I've gained since the marathon.

More importantly though, I can finally tell all my guy friends, "I like video games too (and I am gonna look damn good when I'm done playing)".

I'm slow and I'm over it

I went to my second track work out last night. We had the option of doing 800s or mile repeats. The group I was in decided to run mile repeats.

We did a 1 mile warm up and then started with the work out.

Mile repeats (4 x 400) with a few minute rest in between each one.

My group consisted of Shifter, Lauren, Lauren, Mary-Ann, and myself. Our first mile was 8:50!! Way faster than I usually run. We started the second mile and I started to lag behind. I knew there was no way I could keep up a 8:50 pace for 4+ miles, even with breaks in between each mile. I completed two more miles probably pacing around 9:15-9:30 and realized I was done running. I did one final cool down lap and watched as everyone else completed several more miles. 4 and 1/4 miles total for me(including warm up and cool down)

I admit I was distracted. There were people playing soccer on several different fields. All I could think was how bummed I was that I hadn't been able to go to my Monday game this week. I also have not been running that much nor am I training for anything right now. I don't consider myself out of shape, but maybe not as motivated to run.

Going to track workouts is enjoyable. Everyone is so encouraging. But there is also a sense of frustration. So many people on our team are amazing athletes and so competitive. I've always considered myself an athlete, but being around them makes me question my strength. These people are hard core and I am not a hard core runner. I will never run a 6 minute mile. I will never qualify for Boston. I keep going to track workouts so that I can still be part of the group, still socialize with my friends, and keep moving. Evetually maybe I will get faster, but that is not my main goal.

The group went out for drinks and food after the run. I left the bar last night with a mix of emotions. I am so happy to be part of this group, but I also at times feel disconnected. I need to remember that I am going to these runs for me and no one else. No one judged me when I would be the last one in from group runs during the winter months. No one judges me at track either. It is OK if I have no idea how to maintain 80% pace for 1 mile or even if I have no idea what 80% is. It is OK if I only do 3 miles compared to everyone else who does 4, 5, or 6. It is OK when someone says to me, "I could have done more" for me to reply: "You did what you wanted to do. You did what you could do. And tomorrow is another day." It is OK for me to take my own advice.

This evening, I will play soccer and love every minute of it. Tomorrow, I will do whatever I want: go for a run, a spin class, yoga, lift weights. Or maybe do nothing at all. Because it is all about what I want for me....

I'm slow, I know it, and I'm over it. In fact, I kind of embrace it. It allows me to get lost in my thoughts, enjoy the scenery, and remember it's all about me.