I'm slow and I'm over it

I went to my second track work out last night. We had the option of doing 800s or mile repeats. The group I was in decided to run mile repeats.

We did a 1 mile warm up and then started with the work out.

Mile repeats (4 x 400) with a few minute rest in between each one.

My group consisted of Shifter, Lauren, Lauren, Mary-Ann, and myself. Our first mile was 8:50!! Way faster than I usually run. We started the second mile and I started to lag behind. I knew there was no way I could keep up a 8:50 pace for 4+ miles, even with breaks in between each mile. I completed two more miles probably pacing around 9:15-9:30 and realized I was done running. I did one final cool down lap and watched as everyone else completed several more miles. 4 and 1/4 miles total for me(including warm up and cool down)

I admit I was distracted. There were people playing soccer on several different fields. All I could think was how bummed I was that I hadn't been able to go to my Monday game this week. I also have not been running that much nor am I training for anything right now. I don't consider myself out of shape, but maybe not as motivated to run.

Going to track workouts is enjoyable. Everyone is so encouraging. But there is also a sense of frustration. So many people on our team are amazing athletes and so competitive. I've always considered myself an athlete, but being around them makes me question my strength. These people are hard core and I am not a hard core runner. I will never run a 6 minute mile. I will never qualify for Boston. I keep going to track workouts so that I can still be part of the group, still socialize with my friends, and keep moving. Evetually maybe I will get faster, but that is not my main goal.

The group went out for drinks and food after the run. I left the bar last night with a mix of emotions. I am so happy to be part of this group, but I also at times feel disconnected. I need to remember that I am going to these runs for me and no one else. No one judged me when I would be the last one in from group runs during the winter months. No one judges me at track either. It is OK if I have no idea how to maintain 80% pace for 1 mile or even if I have no idea what 80% is. It is OK if I only do 3 miles compared to everyone else who does 4, 5, or 6. It is OK when someone says to me, "I could have done more" for me to reply: "You did what you wanted to do. You did what you could do. And tomorrow is another day." It is OK for me to take my own advice.

This evening, I will play soccer and love every minute of it. Tomorrow, I will do whatever I want: go for a run, a spin class, yoga, lift weights. Or maybe do nothing at all. Because it is all about what I want for me....

I'm slow, I know it, and I'm over it. In fact, I kind of embrace it. It allows me to get lost in my thoughts, enjoy the scenery, and remember it's all about me.