This weekend the DFMC runners are scheduled to run 20-22 miles. Unfortunately, I will not be able to join them because I have to work both Saturday and Sunday for our Accepted Students' Receptions. I decided the only way I was going to get the mileage in would be to spend all day Friday at the gym. I was in Connecticut again for work on Thursday evening and drove back to Boston on Friday morning. My intention was to leave around 5:30am, but I did not end up leaving until 7:45am. My knee was bothering me in the car but I figured it was stiff from all the driving.
I got to the gym a little before noon and started my workout. I decided to do a combination of arc trainer and running as suggested by a few DFMCers on Wednesday. I started out strong 45 minutes arc trainer, 35 minutes run/walk on the treadmill. My IT Band was definitely sore, but I pushed through the pain. I was watching Kill Bill Volume 1 and the fight scenes helped push me harder.
My work out was this:
45 minutes arc trainer
35 minutes run/walk
1 packet mint chocolate Gu
45 minutes arc trainer
35 minutes run/walk
1 packet Tri-Berry Gu
45 minutes arc trainer
And then I hit my wall. I stopped the arc trainer to move back to the treadmill. I could barely move. The woman next to me asked me about the gu and the Gatorade mixture I was drinking. I explained that I was training for the marathon. As soon as I stopped, I started freezing. I tried to get on the treadmill and I couldn't run. My knee was killing me. I was soaked in sweat-everything was soaked: my shorts, my shirt, my sports bra. I pulled off my shirt b/c I couldn't bare the feeling of the cold damp shirt. I even took another GU. Nothing seemed to work.
I tried to get on the treadmill twice more, even just to walk for an hour. My legs refused.
I felt defeated. I was so excited to run and I had been feeling good all week, especially after my run on Wednesday morning. I choked back tears, but I just couldn't leave the gym after only 3hours and 25 minutes!! I got on the bike for another 30 minutes and then I stretched. I used to foam roller for my legs which did not seem to help. I laid down on the mat to do a full body stretch and wasn't sure I was going to be able to get up.
I went into the locker room grabbed my cell phone and did the only thing I could think to do. I called Chet and fought back tears. I felt emotionally and physically beat up. I could barely think. I decided to stretch more in the steam room and clear my head. The thing I did do before I went in the steam room was weigh myself. In order to see how much you sweat and how much water you lose, you are supposed to weigh yourself before you workout, workout and not drink water, and reweigh yourself. I didn't do the first part of it, but I did weigh myself again and I was several pound lighter. Clearly I was dehydrated.
After I stretched and showered, I got ready to leave. I sat down to eat some food and called Chet. I also made the mistake of checking my work email. I had several emails that needed to be dealt with immediately, including one that made me really frustrated and angry. I called Chet back and told him that I needed to go to the office. He agreed to meet me at the subway and go with me. As I sat their waiting for him, I had all these negative thoughts. I was feeling how I've felt the last two weeks. Chet showed up and I lost it. I couldn't talk and when I did I started crying. Chet was the voice of reason and comfort as I sat on the subway trying to form words through my tears.
I'm so emotionally drained that I'm not sure how to push forward. The wall sucks, but at least I know what it feels like. I need to figure out how to push through it. There were many factors yesterday that added to the wall (driving back and forth to Connecticut, not eating enough, not drinking enough). I know it will be different on Marathon Day when the crowds are there and the adrenaline is going. I'm just scared about not making it to the big day. Please let me make it to the big dance in one piece. Please let my knee and IT Band heal. Please help me push through the wall. Please help me complete this crazy adventure.
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1 comment:
you will! you will make it, i promise. it's so close now and then you can stop and allow your body to heal. you are strong enough to push through this...i know it! the good thing about your wall is that you hit it after not doing that much. it's not like you ran 20 miles and hit the wall at 21. then you could be scared that you really can't make 26. but you hit yours after not even 4 hours and that just means that there were other things going on. it's not your limit. you haven't reached it yet. and that's a GOOD thing. love to you.
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